Walls/Relationship

The term "breaking down my walls" has been coming up a lot lately with different people with different scenarios. It's only human nature to build up a wall to seem mysterious and or not be 'broken down' or heart broken down. I've started to realize that i'm not an architect. I understand that keeping thoughts behind closed doors is one thing, but these 'walls' we have created don't allow people to see who we really are. I'm not saying that i'm going to tell my deepest secrets to someone right away, but I just can't help but figure out why we would build walls to have them destroyed right around us.



The label of a "Relationship" is becoming unclear to me. Don't we have relationships with almost everyone we come encounter with? I could say that I'm in a relationship with my best friend... but that isn't the type of situation that you would label. So why label being in a relationship? If it is for security to be bound to someone and be faithful then yes, your insecurities are sky rocketed because the label of being in a relationship is exactly what you don't need. Why can't we just enjoy each others company to learn and grow together as people. Thats all we really are. Lets let our creative minds flow into the endless unknown and value the time that we have left. I know that if we are "in a relationship" that we spend our time together wisely and are helping each other find the pieces to the puzzle that are called trust.

feeling loving today, spread the word!

i(wantanew)phone

I'm not one for "new" technology, but I have to say, the new iphone4s is something I want to get my hands on! I've had the same blackberry for a while which only texts/calls (wow! no internet? i must live in the stone age!) but don't we deserve to treat ourselves sometimes? These past two weeks have been busy beyond belief and upon getting loads or work done, hitting the gym and coffee dates with friends, whose to say i'm not eligible for the new iphone?! ... to be continued.

New, Fall 2011

I'm unable to explain (even to myself) why I do the things I do. It seems as though I push people away before they can get close enough to hurt me. I do believe though if you let something go, if it comes back it was yours - if it doesn’t it never was. I learned from Justin this summer what in a healthy ‘grown-up’ relationship looks and feels like. He found me when I was already happy, this way we could share our happiness and carefree behaviors without worry or doubt. There was no games. There was no doubt in my mind that things, as simple as they were, were going to be all right. Justin was rare. Rare in the sense that we were so alike… it almost didn’t seem realistic.

I’m unsure why my sky-high walls are back up. I need to redirect my happiness to pleasing myself and taking care of me. I have focused my mind on staying clear and staying on task while staying creative! I’ve realized that I don’t need someone to bring me happiness and that I can obtain it for myself.

Next time, I’ll be braver.

Sigmund Freud

Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.

Sigmund Freud

Daydreaming thoughts.

Directly from my notebook:

One, 2, 3, four, V, sex.
not playing games-buts still playing (cause its fun) how could it be any other way?
what constitutes being "real"
It might as well be an underlying balance between comfort, trust/lust
with a touch of compassion and attention
i'm craving sugar.
mhmm sugar
you're my sugar.
not good for me but you're too sweet to resist
can i get a little?
can i get a lot?
giving me a sugar rush just thinking~i just can't get enough

I can redirect my happiness.
I have NEVER been this happy.
(feels so good!)

IT'S PERSONAL (person L)

you make me wonder if i can........ (if i am...)
teach you something new, something you've never felt before, something you only feel w/ me.

i can't concentrate . . . ..
unconditional

i can hear and see everything clearly

EMBRACE THIS MOMENT, COMMIT TO IT -- -
IT'S YOURS

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