fameo"US" me and you

Dirty Fashion Secret!

What I remember from my dream...

He introduced me to a world I had never known before. Showed me love I wasn’t sure existed. His affection was unreal and treated me like I was the only person who mattered in his life. He showed me hallucinogens and we fell more in love. As I became addicted to the drugs, I became even more addicted to him. He didn’t crave me as much as I craved him. He left me feeling dizzy in the world that was unknown to me. I was lost. And I still am.  

Smokey Eye

KISS-keep it simple silly

Oh romance! Every girl needs to remember to Kiss! Kiss, Kiss, Kiss! Pun completely intended! The acronym for kiss or Keep It Simple Silly... is exactly what I'm doing. Since hanging out with this boy I've realized that there is much more to people than they may appear. We're merely getting to know each other and what finding what emotional and physical pieces make up the matter of our puzzle. It is so important to remember that things are not always what they seem. Just because he plays hockey, does NOT mean that hockey is his life... vice versa for me, just because I shoot photos, does not mean I want to talk about photography twenty-four seven. The activities he does are but small pieces of his puzzle that I've put together on my own... but what makes his puzzle captivating and complete to me are the pieces I have not earned to discover.


The more you trust someone the more pieces you feel comfortable revealing. The more revealed, the clearer relationship free of complications you have. It all seems so simplistic but there are complicated pieces of everyones puzzle. It's how we handle and accept these pieces that allow us to see the full picture for what it's worth. One thing that is hard to take into consideration is that although people may have negative pieces to their puzzle... it is only one segment of their entire image. Just as photography is one piece of my puzzle, it is a piece that is almost worthless. That piece of me is something that people may associate with me, but it is only a small simple part!

Evil vs. Mental illness

Although the priest Sunday morning was about 100 years old, he was talking about how all of the negatives in this world are in relation to the devil. The main topic was of the Colorado shooting just a few weeks ago and how the killer was a form of the devil... If I had a few minutes to spare after I would have told him that I completely disagree. The shooter of the Colorado disaster was mentally ill, not taken over or in a form of the devil. Statements like this make me question my already fragile faith. How could he drain the hundreds of minds sitting before me, under the "voice of God" suggesting that this man was the devil? To me, there needs to be some sort of line between religion and science/evil and mental illness. Please don't get me wrong... what happened in Colorado was tragic and appalling but has nothing, if anything to do with religion. I will remember this as a horrific event that cross country has touched the lives of many, but the people involved will be for the rest of their lives.

The General

No, not that "Maine" commercial. I've generally been thinking about life today. I want to hear people's stories, experience new sensations, and clean my slate. TODAY, I'm going to consider it clean. I want to start actually living and not watching life go by. I want to experience what I never thought was possible and start listening more than hearing my own thoughts and opinions. Inspiration comes from within but is better influenced by our surroundings and misfortunes then anything. I say this in a good way though... you can only go up from the bottom and theres a lot of hidden secrets we don't know down there.

Let the man lead...

To be edited later but I can't help but compare me always wanting to lead my dance parter instead of follow them. It's even a challenge for me to let the man lead because I lose my rhythm and step. Is that not the same in real life?

Expectations

It's been a while since I last posted and am going to start blogging a LOT more this summer (maybe even tack on some faithful followers!). Consistency is key in this situation because although I’ve posted a little over 80 times… the spontaneous needs to stop at least for a bit. I’ve had time to catch my breath and start focusing on new future goals instead of just talking about them!

 I’m gonna go ahead and pour myself a glass of wine now!

 

Lately I’ve been thinking of different situations and expectations verses reality. If we expect something to happen and it doesn't, as people we get upset or discouraged when reality does not match up. I need to change my mindset to be open to let anything happen and be satisfied with the results!

Yosemite

Yosemite HD from Project Yosemite on Vimeo.

Irresistible Impulse

There is a phrase I’ve forgotten… something along the lines of “go with your gut feeling” but the impulsiveness of a ‘gut feeling’ may not always be the best bet. I can’t exactly preach to the choir, but the unhealthy reactions that I’ve given out lately seem to come at the wrong time… or wrong moment, where if I would let time play its course than I would have nothing to worry about.

(ARRR) wrong.

Where is my safety net? I envy those who can fall into a net of controlled thought. My mind seems to work so impulsively with no control like air pockets in bubble wrap that seem to keep popping making the problem worse than supporting what the comfortable plastic is actually there for (realization and control).

Ah, I agree, the mind is a terrible thing to waste, but how exactly to control the minds impulses is one technique that may benefit and allow me to take advantage of not giving a shit about things that don’t matter.

Jean-Luc - Trust

Here are three things I know to be true:

1. I know that Jean-Luc was right when he said a "a good story has a beginning middle and end" although not necessarily in that order
2. Not all that glitters is gold - but it might in your eyes under a certain light
3. I'm still young, and gathering all my past/present knowledge and experiences to learn what I do not know of the future

Dan Brown suggested that the key to the future is hidden in our past and also that trust (powerful truth) has its own gravity and eventually pulls people back to it. (i'm not going to lie- hah) but trust is a huge issue for me and I can't help but keep past events on my personal back burner. It's easy to pull back a page and rip it out of a book, but it's unrealistic to pull a page from my past in fear that it may be the key to my future. I do believe that people come in and out of our lives for reasons whether it is to teach us lessons or change our attitudes but how can I shake this horrible quality that has been embedded in me for almost four years?

Let the pages keep turning in hopes that my experiences and growth will help me take control of my future to be the best person I can possibly be.

Fade Into Darkness

New Thangz

"I'm not sure why we didn't meet earlier but that's life. Things happen a certain reason and then something better comes along when you least expect it"

The Real Housewives of South Boston

Walls/Relationship

The term "breaking down my walls" has been coming up a lot lately with different people with different scenarios. It's only human nature to build up a wall to seem mysterious and or not be 'broken down' or heart broken down. I've started to realize that i'm not an architect. I understand that keeping thoughts behind closed doors is one thing, but these 'walls' we have created don't allow people to see who we really are. I'm not saying that i'm going to tell my deepest secrets to someone right away, but I just can't help but figure out why we would build walls to have them destroyed right around us.



The label of a "Relationship" is becoming unclear to me. Don't we have relationships with almost everyone we come encounter with? I could say that I'm in a relationship with my best friend... but that isn't the type of situation that you would label. So why label being in a relationship? If it is for security to be bound to someone and be faithful then yes, your insecurities are sky rocketed because the label of being in a relationship is exactly what you don't need. Why can't we just enjoy each others company to learn and grow together as people. Thats all we really are. Lets let our creative minds flow into the endless unknown and value the time that we have left. I know that if we are "in a relationship" that we spend our time together wisely and are helping each other find the pieces to the puzzle that are called trust.

feeling loving today, spread the word!

i(wantanew)phone

I'm not one for "new" technology, but I have to say, the new iphone4s is something I want to get my hands on! I've had the same blackberry for a while which only texts/calls (wow! no internet? i must live in the stone age!) but don't we deserve to treat ourselves sometimes? These past two weeks have been busy beyond belief and upon getting loads or work done, hitting the gym and coffee dates with friends, whose to say i'm not eligible for the new iphone?! ... to be continued.

New, Fall 2011

I'm unable to explain (even to myself) why I do the things I do. It seems as though I push people away before they can get close enough to hurt me. I do believe though if you let something go, if it comes back it was yours - if it doesn’t it never was. I learned from Justin this summer what in a healthy ‘grown-up’ relationship looks and feels like. He found me when I was already happy, this way we could share our happiness and carefree behaviors without worry or doubt. There was no games. There was no doubt in my mind that things, as simple as they were, were going to be all right. Justin was rare. Rare in the sense that we were so alike… it almost didn’t seem realistic.

I’m unsure why my sky-high walls are back up. I need to redirect my happiness to pleasing myself and taking care of me. I have focused my mind on staying clear and staying on task while staying creative! I’ve realized that I don’t need someone to bring me happiness and that I can obtain it for myself.

Next time, I’ll be braver.

Sigmund Freud

Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.

Sigmund Freud

Daydreaming thoughts.

Directly from my notebook:

One, 2, 3, four, V, sex.
not playing games-buts still playing (cause its fun) how could it be any other way?
what constitutes being "real"
It might as well be an underlying balance between comfort, trust/lust
with a touch of compassion and attention
i'm craving sugar.
mhmm sugar
you're my sugar.
not good for me but you're too sweet to resist
can i get a little?
can i get a lot?
giving me a sugar rush just thinking~i just can't get enough

I can redirect my happiness.
I have NEVER been this happy.
(feels so good!)

IT'S PERSONAL (person L)

you make me wonder if i can........ (if i am...)
teach you something new, something you've never felt before, something you only feel w/ me.

i can't concentrate . . . ..
unconditional

i can hear and see everything clearly

EMBRACE THIS MOMENT, COMMIT TO IT -- -
IT'S YOURS